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Going Out?
What to Expect When Young Teens Start Dating
By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
When her 12-year-old son came home from middle school raving about his new girlfriend, Laura Schwebber of Crystal Lake, Ill., fought back her giggles, wondering where they were "going." Much to her surprise, her son's budding relationship lasted for nearly a year. "I thought this would be a two-week, fleeting moment," she says. "I couldn't believe they spent so much time together."
The fragile egos and emotional stability of young children can be significantly compromised when incorporating matters of the heart. Although discovering love and the desire for a companion is a natural process of life, children in a hurry to dive into this complex phase of life can find themselves in precocious situations.
"I was mortified when my niece stumbled upon my son and his girlfriend kissing behind the bushes at a family event," says Schwebber. Her surprise is one shared by many parents. Few of us are able to look at our precious 11-, 12- and 13-year-olds and see them as burgeoning adults.
The desire for parents to ignore the possibility that children as young as 11 are engaging in kissing, groping and sexual activities is understandable. The notion that the person you see still needing to hold your hand across the street is seen by peers as "eligible," "available" and "attractive" is boggling. Even harder to fathom is that children are experimenting with mature emotional issues before they're in high school or old enough to drive.
Delving into the physical aspects of dating opens up a world many children are not emotionally or mentally prepared for. The pressure or temptation to begin discovering their sexuality is heightened when children start dating. They increase the potential of disease and emotional devastation when introducing physical contact into their immature relationship.
