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Adult vs. Child
Where Does Your Preteen Fit?
By Teri Brown
Thomas believes that parents can survive this emotional roller-coaster by remembering that this time is usually short lived. Parents need to remember what it was like to be a preteen and understand that while it was never easy, kids today have even more pressures on them than pervious generations.
"Doing this can create the empathy and sensitivity needed from the parent toward their preteen so they can be both a support system and a wise teacher and guide, helping the teen navigate through this developmental phase of life," says Thomas. She gives the following tips for helping preteens survive this emotional time of life:
- Normalize this time of their life for them. Sit the preteen down and tell them that they are not alone in feeling stuck, uncomfortable, confused and probably scared being between childhood and adulthood. So often when a person of any age is going through a difficult time, one feels that he or she is the only one experiencing this kind of turmoil and upset. It is very calming and reassuring to be reminded that probably the bulk of one's peers are going through the same kind of roller coaster feelings and thoughts, and that this is usually not an easy time for anyone.
- Give the "light at the end of the tunnel" perspective, meaning use yourself as an example of how it may have been really difficult for you at this preteen age, too, but that things do get easier and you do start to find a place to fit in.
- Communication is extremely important, because it allows everyone involved to know how each other is feeling without trying to "mind-read" each other or assume things that are unspoken, which so often leads to misinterpretations and wrong judgments. The best kind of communication between preteens and their parents includes being as direct and clear as possible, with a lot of empathy and patience.
Repressing one's feelings at any age is not a healthy action; instead, it unnaturally stuffs down emotions that are there for a reason. The bottom line is that parents should actively keep encouraging their preteens to come to them anytime the preteen feels the need to talk or ask them questions regarding this transition time between childhood and adulthood – and about anything in general. - Discuss with your preteen the values, morals and beliefs that you want him or her to take into adulthood. Most preteens have developed abstract reasoning and are able to understand these concepts and to use them as guides and tools to help him or her make healthy, positive decisions as he or she transitions into being an adult.
