Creating a Blended Family

Do's and Don'ts

By Tom Haller and Chick Moorman

Tyler and Ginny waited until they decided to get married to tell the children. Soon after they were married, they informed the children they expected to be called Mom and Dad. Since they had different beliefs about discipline, Tyler and Ginny handled their children differently. A few months into their efforts to create a positive blended family experience, they realized it wasn't working. Strained relationships, marriage stress and conflict abounded.

Sadly, much of the family tension that existed was preventable. Had Tyler and Ginny implemented the strategies detailed in the do's and don'ts of creating a blended family that follow, they could have saved themselves considerable frustration.

Are you contemplating blending two families? Are you planning on marrying someone with children? If so, check out the ideas below. They just may help you create a more satisfying and nurturing blended family.

start talking with your children about the possibility of blending your family early. LONG before your marriage, begin the dialogue about the future family life. Mix in lots of listening so that all the children feel heard.

push your children into creating relationships. Allow those relationships to evolve slowly and naturally over time. Give your children the time, space and flexibility to adjust to the new situation.

establish new traditions. Some current traditions and rituals you will want to maintain. Others you will need to create around the new family setting. Look for uniqueness in your new blended family and build a tradition around that.

Don't

Want to see more?

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• Wed ding Bell Blues: Teens Share Their Thoughts on Marriage and Divorce
• Talk about it!