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Preteen Friendships
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly By Sue Marquette Poremba
How can parents make sure their children are making good friends? Erika Karres, author of the book Mean Chicks, Cliques, and Dirty Tricks: A Real Girl's Guide to Getting Through the Day With Smarts and Style (Adams Media Corporation, 2004) suggests the following hints:
- Remind your adolescent that friendship is a talent. "Some kids are good at sports, some are good at music and some are good at friendship," Karres says. Some kids need to work harder than others to be a good friend.
- Teach your tween how to observe their peers. "You can tell by watching how another child acts, how their grades are, what they are involved in and so on, whether or not that child would make a good potential friend."
- Be a friendship finder, not a friendship receiver. "Be proactive," Karres says. "If you see a group of kids you want to know, go to them. Don't wait for them to come to you."
- Work on overcoming shyness. Most people are shy on some level, including people who seem to have a lot of friends.
- Encourage your tween to find friendship mentors. "Parents can show kids how to make friends and be friends by being an example," says Karres. Introduce your friends to your children. Invite your friends to your house frequently. Make an effort to know other parents. Your preteens will see that friendships are encouraged and welcome in your home, and they'll feel comfortable inviting their friends over.
