Crushed

Surviving Your Preteen's
First Love

By Lisa A. Goldstein

Whether your preteen suddenly starts talking about someone of the opposite sex or their behavior is more circumspect, it's time to face reality: Your preteen may have a crush. What? You thought this fun stage didn't begin until the teens? Think again.

"Parents of preteens or 'tweens' must know that these girls and boys are just beginning to navigate through all the new hormones they are experiencing," says Nicole Caldwell, pediatric psychologist at Children's Medical Center Dallas. "It is normal for preteens to first notice the eruption of these hormones by a sudden interest in the opposite sex. So what can you do as a parent?"

First, it's important to realize that it really is normal to have a crush even a serious one during the preteen years. This is when significant changes in hormones begin. These feelings not only are new, but they're intense, Caldwell says. "Due to their developmental age, they are limited in their ability to look beyond their current emotional state," she says. "Therefore, a crush is serious from their point of view."

Parents should keep in mind, however, that preteens are every bit as vulnerable to hormones as the rest of us. Just as quickly as a crush develops, it can also deflate. Be prepared for your preteen to be hurt. "Just as the emergence of the crush brought much elation and [many] starry-eyed looks, when it ends ... it will likely leave the preteen feeling overwhelmed with sadness," Caldwell says. "This is why it is called a crush."

Differences between boys and girls are apparent. Libbie Rockman of Pittsburgh, Pa., started noticing her oldest son's crushes when he was 12. She knew the only reason he'd mention a girl is if he had an interest in her. If Josh told his mother that a girl was "kind of nice," she'd ask if he liked her. His answer would be, "Yeah, sorta."

Rockman observed that when a girl didn't like her son in return, he would label the girl as being "a jerk," or he would pick on the guy that she did like. "It seems that the boys turn the rejection around so that it doesn't seem like it matters that the girl doesn't like them," Rockman says.

Want to see more?

• Straight Talk: Giving Your Child the Facts About Sex
• The Girly Guide: Surviving Your Female Tween
• Raising Boys Today
• Check out our Article Library.
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