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Loosen the Grip and Tighten the Reins

Parental Supervision Is Important

By Jennifer Nelson

Parents across the nation were horrified after extensive evidence in the Columbine High School shooting spree indicated that the two teens responsible for the tragic slaying of 12 peers and a teacher had planned and arranged their brand of terror for months. Reportedly, they built bombs in one of the boy's garages, as well as stockpiled weaponry and ammo right in their bedrooms. "Where were the parents?" everyone asked. How can parents not be aware that their child is in the garage building a bomb or in his room assembling a sawed-off shot gun?

Most parents and their preteen children spend less than an hour a day – about 6 percent of their waking hours – talking to each other, according to a survey of fifth- through eighth-graders by Philips Consumer Communications. The survey indicates that parents misunderstand what's important to their kids, underestimate their maturity, overlook problematic behavior and withdraw themselves from their children's daily lives.

About 62 percent of young adolescents said the opposite sex was a significant concern, while only half of the parents surveyed thought their child was interested in boyfriends or girlfriends.

Most disturbing, only 20 percent of preteens found it easy to talk about difficult issues with one or both parents. More than half the kids polled said their parents don't give them a chance to explain themselves.

"Clearly, there's a connection gap if half the people in a conversation think they don't get a chance to explain themselves," says Kutner. "If one person tends to dominate most conversations at the expense of another, it can create an environment filled with misunderstanding, anger and resentment."

What can parents do? First, experts say, a fully engaged parent of a preteen should offer firm discipline and communicate high expectations for personal and academic behavior. Parents must provide close supervision, and teach by example. Constructively settle conflict and try to understand an adolescent's physical, emotional and social development, recommend the experts.