Separation Anxiety

Surviving the Holiday Season When a Loved One is Away

By Gwen Morrison

The holiday season is celebrated by many as a time to get together with family and friends to share in the spirit of the season. But what if you can't be together for the holidays? For many military families, Mom or Dad is often deployed overseas for long periods and can't be home to share in the festivities.

"Being separated from loved ones during the holidays is always difficult," says Elaine Rodino, a psychologist in private practice in Santa Monica, Calif. "Holidays are traditionally times for family gatherings, so the person that is away is missed by everyone. Positive attitudes can be created by planning to speak to the person on the holiday."

For military families, deployment over the holidays is difficult for those left at home, as well as for those working overseas. "I make sure that I do what I can to keep him involved," says Airman 1st Class Angela Stark, 20th Communications Squadron, Shaw Air Force Base in S.C. Stark's husband, Senior Airman Harry Stark, left to go to Southwest Asia in support of Operation Northern Watch. "I've sent him videos of some of the family gatherings, tons of digital pictures and professional pictures that we've had made of the baby since he's been gone. We e-mail each other every day."

This year, the Starks' son will celebrate his first Thanksgiving holiday, and his dad won't be there to share in that memory. "It makes me pretty sad," says Stark. "He left the day our son turned 2 months old. I know Baby's first holidays are something he would really love to share. It is very sad missing holidays, but we just look forward to the holidays when we will be together."

With both Angela and her husband in the military, she is keenly aware that their family may not be together for future holidays. "There is so much that you want to share as a family when you have a new baby," she says. "And I know with us both in the military, there is a lot that will be missed out on in the future."

Ashlie Counts-Jenkins of Fairfax, Va. has experienced many long deployments – with and without children – with her husband, who is in the navy. She has found that the best way to conquer those sad feelings during the holiday season is to focus on things that need to be done. "I always have a list of things to accomplish during each deployment, and of course, the holidays just add to that list," she says.

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