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Delivery Room Visitors

Deciding Who Will Attend Your Baby's Birth

By Jessica Williams

Just as you carefully selected a health care provider, your choice of loved ones should be carefully weighed. Although a last-minute decision to let your cousin stay for the birth may be rewarding, if you are vague about who you would like to attend, you could end up sharing this momentous occasion with someone who doesn't understand your needs. When you are actually in labor, it can be difficult to ask someone who shows up unexpectedly to leave. Cindy Johnson invited her mother and sister to attend the birth of her first child. These were the people she had wanted to attend, but her sister-in-law assumed their presence meant she could stay as well. "My sister-in-law wasn't actually invited to stay in the room, but she came in to tell me something, realized I was busy and just stayed," Cindy says. "I wish she hadn't. Her comments afterward were not very nice. Hearing her say 'Eeew, it was gross!' really offended me."

Cindy attributes these comments to her sister-in-law's young age, but having someone say this about such a special occasion is just one reason to make your invitations known well in advance. So how can you avoid such situations? Be open and honest about who you want to attend when discussing it with friends or family. For those who are not invited, explain how their support and love is still important to you, and that your choices were made to best suit your needs. Remember that you have every right to be picky about who attends.

Anita Colburn – whose labor was captured in these photos – chose her support system carefully and excluded some people who were very dear to her heart for important reasons. In the beginning of her pregnancy, she examined her relationships with friends and family. Their attitudes toward her decision to have a water birth at home were taken into account. Some of her family members were frightened of the idea of a home delivery. "I believe that fear is transferred, so that eliminated any of the fearful ones," she says. Although she tried to educate them about her choices, she knew she could not include anyone who was uncomfortable with her decisions.

Instead, Anita hand-picked her "crew" by what they could offer her during this special occasion. She chose three lifelong friends to assist her, and another close friend to take care of her young daughter who would also attend. Each would offer support in different ways, understanding their roles and assigned responsibilities.

Want to see more?

• Partner Power: How Your Birth Partner Can Help in Labor
• Birth Stories
• Pregnancy and Birth diaries
• How to Prepare Your Husband for Childbirth
• The Birth Partner: Everything You Need to Know to Help a Woman Through Childbirth
• Talk about it