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Just Say No to "No"

6 Strategies to Get Your Toddler to Do What You Want (Without Using the N-word)

By Jennifer Nelson

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Has your 2-year-old ever looked at you, presumably understood that she's not allowed to press the buttons on the television remote control, smiled sweetly and pressed them anyway? No, she's not the evil conniver Aunt Sally makes her out to be. She's a toddler. And with toddlerhood come the initiative, curiosity and autonomy that often has parents of toddlers at the brink of despair.

Postivie Discipline Most children under the age of 3 simply don't understand the meaning of "no" the way parents think they should. "A complete understanding of the word may not come until age 4 or older," says Jane Nelsen, author of "Positive Discipline: The First Three Years" (Prima Pub, 1998). "No" is an abstract concept; children develop their knowledge and understanding of it gradually.

This doesn't mean toddlers should have free rein to do anything they want. But it may explain why "no" often doesn't work for parents of the 2- to 4-year-old crowd. So what can parents do when their children are torn between obeying or following their own biological urge to explore the world? Below are six positive parenting strategies to help avoid the word "no," and still get your toddler to do what you want.

Catch Them Being Good
Focus on the positive. It's easy to overlook the good stuff during this time of constant temper tantrums and seemingly deliberate misbehaviors, but offering praise to a toddler is a sensible approach. If your child completes a task such as putting her toys in the toy box, catch her at it. Notice the action you want to her to emulate, and make a fuss over it with positive feedback. Compliment the behavior. Over time, you can break the cycle of negative attention and shift the focus onto good behavior. Lots of smiles, hugs and kind words will eventually encourage a repeat performance.

Turn the Other Cheek

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