Beating Burnout

A Stay-at-Home Mother's Guide

By Lisa A. Goldstein

If you're a stay-at-home, breastfeeding mom, you might be feeling completely overwhelmed. Your baby needs you and so does everyone else. Time to yourself seems to be a rare entity. You feel like you are on your own. So what can you do about it?

Some stay-at-home moms feel isolated and "burned out," especially in the early weeks if the mom has a lack of support and sleep deprivation, says Betsy Corcory, R.N., IBCLC, of Virtua Health. Plus, all new moms face the possibility that the "burn out" could be depression.

First things first, share your concerns with your medical provider. Postpartum depression can last much longer than you think. Fortunately, it is treatable – even in breastfeeding moms. A number of medications have been shown to be compatible with breastfeeding and have greatly benefited the mother, says Wendy Haldeman, R.N., a certified lactation consultant.

Once depression is ruled out, it's time "Operation Mom" can begin.

"It's so important for the stay-at-home mom to remember why she is at home with her baby and to do her best to be in the moment and not look around at the chaos that was once her organized living room or pre-baby nursery, which is now strewn with laundry, toys and an overfull garbage bin," says Leslie Godwin, a psychotherapist who authored From Burned Out to Fired Up: A Woman's Guide to Rekindling the Passion and Meaning in Work and Life (Health Communications, 2004).

Sometimes aggravation can be increased if your husband isn't doing his share. Let him know how much it will cost to hire some help, Godwin says. This way he can decide if he'd rather help or pay up for someone else to do it. "Don't get emotional about this, but treat it like the practical issue it should be," she says.

If your husband is willing to help – even if just a little – great! Try not to criticize or micro-manage his efforts, says Godwin. Make him feel like he made a difference, and let the small things go.

Doing it all yourself can mean reaching your breaking point. Taina Dube of Norwalk, Conn., breastfed her son for six months, but wishes she had done it longer. One of the reasons she stopped nursing him was because she'd had enough. "I was burned out from all the people and their opinions, and he got heavy, and I just wanted to prop him up on a pillow and prop his bottle up so I didn't have to hold him," she says. "I got tired of always being alone in some room or car away from everyone. It made me feel isolated, so I stopped."

Dube's son wasn't ready to give up breastfeeding; it took a month to wean him. "I knew in my heart and by the way he searched for my breasts that he still needed to be close to me," she says.

Recommendations from Dube include calling a lactation consultant. "Remember, the baby is very different every month, so if this month is rough, it will only get better the next month," she says.

Dube also advises not filling your day with too many activities. "If it doesn't get done today, you can always do it tomorrow," she says.

Want to see more?

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• The Social Myths of Breastfeeding
• Let's Talk Taboos: What You've Always Wanted to Know About Breastfeeding
• Talk about it!