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Stranger in My House
When Your Teen Doesn't Act Like Your Teen Anymore By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Food for ThoughtAccording to Cunningham, there are some basic rules and advice to keep in mind when dealing with this stranger who once was your teen: 
Ask your child about their interests without comment or critique and listen to your child. Don't try to multitask. Look them in the eye and ask clarifying questions. Find out about their interests, likes and dislikes and aspirations. Everyone likes talking about themselves, especially teens. If you don't know, ask. - Keep the ratio of hard feelings (anger, confrontation, critical) to soft feelings (soothing, nurturing thoughts, I love you) to a point where the emotions of the communication can be overwhelmingly in favor of soft emotions.
- There is nothing wrong with affectionate touches (hugs, shoulder rubs). These can go a long way to reconnect a parent with a distant teen.
- Catch your teen being good. Pay attention to your teen doing something good and praise him for it.
- Create opportunities for your teen to earn your trust. When your child shows responsibility,she should be given more responsibility. For example, if your child consistently makes it home in time for curfew, you should extendher curfew. In addition, when she missesher curfew the repercussion should be thather curfew is reduced.
Communication Is the KeyWhat it boils down to is that talking to your teen, even if all you get is a grunt or moan in response, is very important. "Establishing and keeping lines of communication open is key," Cunningham says. "Once open and honest communication is established, raising difficult or sensitive topics is much easier and causes less conflict. However, conflict will arise when raising adolescents. I typically suggest, when there is not imminent risk involved, talking with your child when you and they are in a good mood versus when you or they are angry."
Ask your child about their interests without comment or critique and listen to your child. Don't try to multitask. Look them in the eye and ask clarifying questions. Find out about their interests, likes and dislikes and aspirations. Everyone likes talking about themselves, especially teens. If you don't know, ask. Just as you can scare away a flock of birds with a loud noise, so can you scare away a teen with words, actions and things he doesn't want to hear. "Avoid lecturing and blaming by staying concise and to the point," Cunningham says. "That is, state what your concern is, trying to focus on specific behaviors, with language that is nonjudgmental and non-pejorative. Also, avoid thinking that your child is intentionally doing something to you or to get back at you, as this often generates more negative emotions, and you are likely to say something that you will later regret."
