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Taking Responsibility
You Can Help Your Preteen By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
What's a parent to do if their 10-year-old has no inclination for keeping track of his possessions or their teen is overwhelmingly irresponsible? "The first step is not giving up," says Life Coach and Professional Organizer Lori Schmidt of Arlington, Mass. "Everyone has the ability and potential to enhance their level of responsibility; you just have to know where to begin."
Professionals like Schmidt recommend parents begin with assessing what specific areas their children need help with. "For some children, it's actually working on their memory skills more than responsibility," she says. "For others, it's restructuring their attitude." A child who appears to have a lazy approach toward the responsibility of his belongings may in fact feel overwhelmed about how to be responsible. Forgetfulness or a feeling of being overwhelmed can easily be perceived as a lack of responsibility. Identifying where to begin helps everyone start the process of being more responsible.
If memory is the issue, Schmidt recommends reinforcing responsibility with subtle reminders and clues. She offers options such as placing an "out the door" checklist on the refrigerator that kids can refer to before leaving for school to reduce the chances of leaving home without a lunch. You can also opt for tacking a bulletin board up in his room to create a central location for reminders or notes and a calendar to chart his responsible progress. Parents can also subtly guide children to be responsible by modeling responsibility and including children in tasks that require a responsible orientation.
