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The Anxious Child
Raising a Healthy Child in a Frightening World
By Mary Ann Shaw, Ed.D.
ne or put them in situations where they feel vulnerable.
Teach them basic safety about staying in groups at the mall and not staying out after dark. Teach them how to scream – usually not a tough task for small children – and when to scream or run. Get to know your neighbors so that your child will feel comfortable calling for help. All of these tools will help your child feel less anxious about crime in our midst.
One little girl I helped was traumatized after an attempted break-in at her home. Her father was out of town, and the 6-year-old girl, who was in her bedroom upstairs, heard someone trying to break in downstairs. She alerted her mother, who, after calling 911, herded the whole family into a room to wait for the police. Although the police got there in time and the break-in was stopped before anything happened, the little girl was afraid to go to bed at night for two years afterward. Each night she had to check and recheck to make sure every door was locked and that the alarm system was on and working properly.
Kids who have had experiences with crime in their homes often feel especially vulnerable at night. It is wise, at first, to let them walk around and check the doors and windows and alarm system or to sit with them while they are getting relaxed and preparing for sleep or to leave a light on in their room or in the hall. But for this to be necessary two years after the event is not normal.
I talked with this little girl about what was real and what was imaginary. We talked about trusting, and I planted the idea that once she checked the locks and doors, she had to trust that everything was OK. Then we talked about what she knew to be true: that dialing 911 had worked for her. The police got to her house and nothing bad happened. She was afraid more of what could have happened than of something real that did happen. These discussions seemed to give her a feeling of power and control again. After three or four visits, her feelings of anxiety were greatly diminished.
