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Is Family Time Overrated?
The Importance of Individualized Attention
By Kelly Burgess
The family dinner. So much has been written about this allegedly vanishing institution that it's taken on a whole new meaning. It's no longer just about breaking bread together; it's come to symbolize strong family bonds, cross-generational communication, and mentally and spiritually healthy children.
The deification of this particular meal has surely caused millions of parents a lot of misplaced guilt. But who decided that the family meal is such a great builder of character? Why is sitting down to a meal such an important cultural practice? The answer is that maybe it's not.
Dr. Phelan has been a clinical psychologist for more than 25 years, specializing in children and families, and is the author of numerous books and videos about parenting. His most recent book is I Never Get ANYTHING: How to Keep Your Kids From Running Your Life (Parent Magic, 2001). In his opinion, family time is overemphasized in the United States.
"I'm a big fan of one-on-one time because kids really appreciate it," says Dr. Phelan. "There's a pseudo-efficiency to family fun that often isn't much fun. Parents may reason that they need to spend time with their kids so they'll all go out to eat. During the meal, the kids may fight for half that time, and the parents may snipe at each other about money. You're all together, but there's not much quality time being spent."
