New Dads and Fear of the Unknown

Becoming Confident in Your New Parenting Skills

By Mark Stackpole

When a guy needs help fixing a car, putting in new windows or moving furniture, he calls up his buddies and asks them to come over. A little bit of work gets done, and the boys get the chance to bond over a few tools and a little elbow grease. But what if the extent of the help he needs goes beyond measuring, lifting and building? Would he call these same friends if he couldn't get the diaper to stay attached to a wiggly toddler? ("Hey, Bob, do you have any size four diapers I can borrow? The baby seems to have outgrown the size three since this afternoon.") Would they rush over to help him with an inconsolable newborn? ("Now, Frank, what I've found is that singing Rubber Duckie while bouncing him up and down gives me enough time to warm his bottle and watch another half-inning of baseball.")

All that knowledge acquired from a lifetime of being a guy has to get put to new and innovative uses once that guy becomes a dad. Even the biggest hands and the broadest shoulders can get a little shaky when faced with 8 pounds and 20 inches of brand new baby.

 

Alain Azcona, a hospital administrator from San Diego, Calif., is eagerly awaiting the arrival of his first child. His wife, Valerie, is seven months pregnant with their son, and he has found that the fear of the unknown is greater than any trepidation he feels about his parenting skills.

"I am confident that we will be able to deal with everything else once it arises, whether it be finances or issues with my son's behavior," says Azcona. "My fear is based more on anticipation. There are books that tell you how to be a parent, but once you get home from the hospital and are doing it yourself, you just don't know. Like most men, I am a fixer, and it's hard for me not to fix or control things. Sometimes kids cry for no reason at all, and when they're done, they'll stop. Knowing that you can't fix everything is a challenge."

Want to see more?

• She Won't Break! New Dads with Newborn Fears
• Fuzzy Blue Hippo: A Letter to My Baby on the Way
• Talk about it!