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New Dads and Fear of the Unknown
Becoming Confident in Your New Parenting Skills
By Mark Stackpole
With the arrival of a new baby, many fathers begin to worry about whether they are up to the task of being a husband and father while also maintaining their individual identities. According the Dr. Linda Ladd, a professor of family sciences at Texas Woman's University in Denton, Texas, dads-to-be and new fathers should expect a wide range of new experiences and emotions. Their concerns and insecurities are likely to be reflected in a flood of questions: How will I be as a father, and will I repeat my father's successes and failures? How will my relationship change with my wife? Will she prefer the baby to me? How will I fit in? Will my wife stay home, and what can the budget handle?
Rather than be afraid of these questions, though, men need to be encouraged to ask them. "New fathers need to be encouraged to ask questions and test their own ideas out on their child," says Dr. Ladd. "Fathers need to feel that their infant is not on temporary loan to them for 15 minutes a day."
Though men are stereotypically non-communicative about their fears and feelings, Dr. Ladd is quick to give the modern father credit for his coping and communicating skills. "Men in their 20s and 30s talk more about their feelings than their fathers did," she says. "Verbal communication is the best way of releasing information and feelings. If a father does not share his feelings of worry and anxiety, fear or avoidance of these feelings continues to grow."
