Miles Between Us: Long Distance Dads

By Carma Haley Shoemaker

Our country is in a state of alert. Hundreds of military personnel have been called to duty, taking them away from their homes and their families. While these men are happy to do what is necessary for their country, these feelings do little to compensate for having to leave their children. Does the distance truly make the heart grow fonder, or offer a feeling of fatherlessness?

There are many fathers whose job, or other commitments and responsibilities, keep them from their children for days, weeks or months at a time. Being away from your family can often put stress on you, your family and the relationships between.

"One year, I missed my daughter's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's," says Karl Lovelace, a former sergeant in the United States Army from Asheville, N.C. "Even though I would write, call, and do all I could to keep the lines of communication open, every time I went home after being on duty, it was like starting all over again with my wife, and especially my daughter."

Even those who are experts on the topic of long-distance relationships may not be happy about how their expertise had come to be. "My perspective is unusual," says Dr. Douglas B. Reeves, president of the Center for Performance Assessment and author of numerous parenting books from Boston, Mass. "I write books for parents who want to help their kids in school. Ironically, I write those books while traveling 300,000 miles per year, and thus don't spend as much time with my own four kids -- elementary, middle school, high school and college -- as I would like to. With those confessions out of the way, I want to let others know that there are some wonderful and practical ideas to help keep you and your kids close."

Reeves shares that one of them most important aspects of maintaining a close relationship depends upon the "what" and "how" of your time at home. "Emphasize one-to-one time when you are home," says Reeves. "After returning home from a business trip, it's natural that the traveling parent wants to spend time with all the kids. A better idea is to devote some focused one-to-one time with individual children. It is important to understand that children need to make a direct one-to-one connection with a parent. This need not be a grand adventure, but as simple as a father-daughter trip to the shoe store, a 30-minute walk along the beach, a trip to the library, a shared ice cream cone, a walk down the mall, or playing a two-person game in which neither sibling rivalry nor adult distractions are permitted to intervene."

Want to see more?

• Traveling Dads
• The Weekend Daddy
• Military Families Discussion Board
• The American Tragedy Resource Page