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Miles Between Us: Long Distance Dads
By Carma Haley Shoemaker
Be There ... Even When You're Not
Watch any home video of a birthday party or Christmas morning you'll see how much kids love surprises. Reeves states that Dad should use this to his advantage. "Do something clever and unexpected to remind your family that even though you are not physically there, you are there," says Reeves. "Hide notes and letters. I regularly slip notes under pillows, into backpacks and into lunch boxes. While the kids may not always admit it -- particularly in middle school -- the fact that they save these notes indicates to me that these personal communications have great meaning and value. Even more importantly, I have found a few notes from them secretly tucked into my luggage -- what a wonderful surprise when I drag into a hotel room late at night." You Can Call On Me
According to Reeves, the most common way for long-distance Dads to stay in touch with family is by phone. However, Reeves shares that a phone conversation can quickly go from an exciting moment, to a moment of silence. "Change the tenor of the phone conversations," says Reeves. "Instead of asking, 'What did you do in school today?' -- which will more than likely get you a 'nothing' response -- ask specifically about learning and feelings, such as, 'What did you learn today?' or 'What happened today that made you feel that way?' Conversations that elicit open-ended discussion are much more likely to draw a child into a dialog less typical than a parent-child conversation that feels, from the child's perspective, like the private reporting to the sergeant." Distance may not make the heart grow fonder, but if done properly, it won't put a wedge between you either. "Kids know we love them," says Reeves. "Even when we travel and are away for periods of time, they still know. We may have to remind them that we miss them and that we wish we could be with them, but the love does not diminish with time or miles. And for those times when you miss your kids, I suggest that you carry pictures -- lots of them. Sometimes I look at them right before a speech to a thousand people. It keeps me completely grounded and focused on what is most important."
