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Going the Full Nine
How to be a Model Dad-to-be
By I.J. Schecter
Your role:
Be a selfless teammate. Imagine yourself the pitcher sucking it up to get to that final out. Remind yourself that when she complains about those shots to her ribcage, she isn't faking – the kicks are real and they hurt. From now on, no amount of massages is enough. Her feet and hands will especially appreciate some deep-tissue work accompanied by a nice cream or oil.
The novelty has long passed, and it seems to her as if the game is never going to end.
Your role:
Keep her distracted and happy. Distraction doesn't have to come in the form of fancy dinners or expensive gifts. Do a silly air-guitar routine. Create a sock-puppet show. Recite spontaneous love poetry. Make fun of your family members. Mostly she just wants to focus on something other than her size and soreness, so pull out all the stops to help her do it.
She's running on all cylinders in preparation. In particular, her nesting instinct – the sudden, unaccountable urge to clean – is kicking in. No one knows why it happens, but it's as real as Anna Kournikova. She may ask you to clean a room in the morning and then the same one again at dinner. She asks you six times a day if you've memorized alternative routes to the hospital.
Your role:
Take the initiative to prepare, which will show her you're on top of things. Pack and double-check the hospital bags – hers and yours. Get a beeper or cell phone if you don't already own one. Tell her repeatedly how terrific she's been throughout the process and what a wonderful mother you know she's going to be.
You've already gone past regulation and still the game won't end. Every hour past the due date sees like an eternity.
