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On a Pedestal
Why Mommy Deserves Respect By I.J. Schecter
It's beneficial for children to understand that you sometimes want Mom all to yourself. Better-functioning households result when kids recognize that their parents are more than just parents – they are also two people in a unique, loving relationship that requires its own nurturing. "Private time works both ways," says Dave Joseph, dad to Peter, 7, and Mandy, 4, from Ontario, Canada. "Not only do you get to enjoy some quality one-on-one [time] with your other half, but, let's face it, your kids get a healthy break from you."
Put Up a United Front
A good part of children's lives are spent being told what they can't do, so it's only natural that they look for ways to manipulate the system. Arguably, the shrewdest way they attempt to do this is by playing one parent off the other. Usually, Mom ends up playing bad cop to Dad's softie. Next time you come in the door and hear, "Dad, can I have an ice cream?" make eye contact with Mom before answering. "Be consistent," says Clifford Harrison, author of the guide GOODKIDS: A Basic Parenting Guide, from San Antonio, Texas. "Parents must learn to use the same consequence for the same behavior on good and bad days," says Harrison. Try to develop a set of signals so that you can almost always answer on the same page as Mom without skipping a beat. If a child senses one iota of inconsistency between you, he'll pry it open wider than the San Andreas Fault.
Argue Selectively
It's OK for a kid to know that Mommy and Daddy sometimes quarrel. Hiding this fact creates a skewed reality andcreates unfair expectations for the child's own relationships. But monitor how often, and about what, you argue. Parenting involves constant stressors, and, if you aren't conscious of it, you can find yourself debating around the clock simply out of habit. If you make a list of all the issues you squabble over, you'll probably be surprised at how many of them just aren't worth it. Show How Impressed You Are
