On a Pedestal
Why Mommy Deserves RespectBy I.J. Schecter
Guilting a child into appreciating Mommy doesn't work because children are, by their very biological nature, self-centered. A toddler, for example, does not have the adult capacity to sit down and reflect on all the things Mommy does for him, arriving at the revelation that she really does deserve his respect. (This revelation does happen, but only once that child becomes a parent himself.)
A similar effect, however, can be achieved by demonstrating just how impressed you are with the extent of Mommy's responsibilities. Instead of telling the kids to appreciate how much Mommy does, try to be more clever about it by saying stuff like, "Mommy made you a new salad for lunch today? Boy, she makes you so many great salads. Let's try to name all the different salads Mommy makes." There's nothing wrong with being a little over-the-top. After all, mommies' roles are way over the top.
| After the Fire has Faded Maintaining a lifelong partnership can be difficult. Splits happen often, and they aren't always cordial. However, perhaps the most difficult part of an acrimonious breakup is the noblest as well: Remaining civil in front of the kids. History has an insidious way of repeating, and if your kids witness you constantly spouting venom about your ex, it's a decent bet they'll have a harder time establishing healthy relationships themselves. No matter the hostility you might feel, try not to brainwash your kids about your ex, make them take sides or expose them to constant fighting. Instead, think of the chances they have to create a lasting union. |
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