"Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant."

Standing by Your Teen – No Matter What

By Megan Potter

When the words "I'm pregnant" come out of a teen's mouth, parents are often at a loss for what to do. They react emotionally, not logically, and the resulting confrontations often leave the teens alone without the support of their parents and other family members.

What should you do if your teen tells you she is pregnant?

The most important thing is to stay calm. Tracy Underwood, a licensed psychologist at Children's Medical Center of Dallas, advises that parents recognize the teen is likely to be frightened and confused and looking to Mom and Dad for guidance.

As one teen told the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, "I would like it if [parents] came out and said what they meant ... The unhelpful thing is when they start to lecture." If all else fails, ask your son or daughter to leave you with time for yourself before you react to the shock.

When you talk to your teen, be honest about your feelings. There is no point in chastising them or lecturing them; the damage is already done. But that doesn't mean you can't tell your child how disappointed you are in their behavior. Being supportive does not mean you have to be – or pretend to be – happy about the situation. Being supportive simply means that you help them through it.

Now that your child is in an adult situation, you'll want to treat them like an adult. When you talk to them, tell them why you feel the way you feel. Don't simply insist they use a particular option; explain your reasoning for it. Your kids may not follow your advice, but they are more likely to consider it if it comes as advice and not as an order.

Some things you should be sure to discuss with your son or daughter include the choices (abortion, adoption, parenting), finances, responsibility and your role in the situation. Tell your teen what you think of each of the options available to them, why you feel that way about each one and which option you would prefer they choose. At the same time, offer to go with them to look into each of the options so they can make informed decisions.

Talk to them about the financial issues, and be frank. Will your insurance cover the medical care? Who will be responsible for covering any extra expenses that might arise? What role will the other teen be taking in the finances? Whether they choose to parent or not, you should be aware that there are costs involved in all decisions, mainly medical and counseling.

Want to see more?

• The New Teens: Sexually Informed and Responsible
• Straight Talk: Giving Your Child the Facts About Sex
• The Truth About Our Teens: Can We Handle It?
• Talk about it!