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Sharing the Love

Preparing for a Sibling

By Heather V. Long

Family dynamics play an important role in any family situation, and when you add achild, the family shifts accordingly, making room in their lives, their habits and their hearts.

"They accepted her right away," Green says. "I used to worry for a while because she started going around saying 'I'm a happy girl, and you're my mommy.' I thought the older girls might take exception at some point if they got sick of it, but they never did. We were incredibly blessed, and I think they felt the same way."

"I think the reservations were on the older ones' parts," Eagy says of his family's situation. "The bottom line for us was the older ones were spreading their wings in life and these little girls have brought a tremendous amount of love into our home, and it is a really neat and rewarding experience."

"The way the adoption is handled, along with the family dynamics, are the primary factors that determine how well all family members adjust to someone new," Hochman says. "As is true with birth children, those close in age often experience sibling rivalry, which is to be expected. When there is a larger age difference, and each child has his own friends and activities, the 'strain' may be less. When children are nearly grown, it is important that they be a part of the decision to adopt. Adoption affects everyone, and they should be encouraged to express any concerns they have."

"When the child comes from another country, it helps to celebrate that child's cultural traditions and holidays," Hochman says. "I know a family of 21 children and two parents; the children come from all cultural backgrounds, and everyone's rituals are celebrated. Stories about each child's culture can be shared as a family. If the child is older, he/she may want to talk about life before joining the family; you take the cues from the child."

"Ksenia constantly verbalizes what she is feeling," Green says. "The girls love her, and we're all very happy. It was easier than I anticipated and better in so many ways on how much she has brought to our family. Our second child mothers her much the way the older one mothered the second. We had a long wait between when we made our decision and when we were able to get Ksenia nearly six months. We did a lot of talking and praying in that time, and we were all ready for her to come to us."

Want to see more?

• Check out our Article Library.
• So You Want to Adopt? A Beginner's Guide
• The Adoption Homestudy: Necessary Evil or Helpful Experience?
• Domestic Adoption: Building a Family
• Talk about it!