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Lunch Table Wars
Helping Your Preteen Survive This Rite of Passage
By Sue Marquette Poremba
Rambo gives this advice to parents to help guide their children through the lunch table wars:
- Talk about it. Let your child know you are aware of the social hierarchies and the struggles. Often young teens are amazed to hear their parents went through this, too.
- Be very clear about your own values. Get rid of any lingering wish for your child to be "popular," to live up to your own happy memories of high school popularity or to live down your own painful memories. What you want is not for your child to be "popular," but for your child to have a few genuine friends and to be herself. Tell her that, and encourage her not to take these little dramas completely seriously. Let her know you disapprove of bullying and would not like to see her act like that.
- Talk to the school administration if the problems become daily or severe enough that the child starts disliking school. Often it helps to have more adults in the lunch room, as volunteer helpers and mentors. Some schools have also tried assigning and rotating seating, just to break up the groups. Having club meetings at lunch is another way to get the kids sitting in natural interest groups. Don't assume there is nothing the school can do; there can and should be steps that can be taken.