quick clicks

iparenting canada articles

iparenting canada q&a

community & groups

research baby names

prepare a birth plan

content channels

ip channel rss feeds

read birth stories

read parenting stories

recommended books

e-newsletters

safety recalls

ip diaries

ip store

mom of the month

dad of the month

editor's letter

letters to the editor

A Partner in Birth

The Single Mother's Guide to Choosing a Birthing Coach

By Kelly Burgess

What Ramsey suggests watching out for is anyone who may be bringing a personal agenda into the birthing room. She's seen mothers of patients who were very resentful that their daughter was pregnant or that they were becoming a grandmother, who were less than helpful. She's seen "best friends" who were so unprepared for the birth process that they were extremely negative through the entire birth.

In Andrea Engber's case, her closest relatives were half a continent away, so that wasn't an option. Instead, Engber, of Charlotte, N.C., asked her boss and his wife, who she was very close to, to be her coaches. It worked well for her.

"They argued so much during the delivery that it distracted me from my pain," says Engber, of Charlotte, N.C.

While it's great that Engber was distracted, this is not necessarily the approach that Simkin recommends. She prefers that a birthing coach work with the woman's natural rhythms and try to avoid distracting her.

"A birthing coach doesn't need to know medical stuff," says Simkin. "They don't need to know about membranes or monitors or anything else that the doctors and nurses are there for. What they need to know is how to provide emotional support. They need to understand the emotional stages of labor so they're not asking questions at inappropriate times or distracting the mother when she's working to find a place inside herself to get through the process. Your job is to just make sure that place is calm."

The birth of your child is the most important thing you can share with anyone. But although it was rough on you, it wasn't a tiptoe through the tulips for your coach, either. Chances are that he or she spent many hours preparing and then a long stretch in the birthing room being at your beck and call. How do you thank someone for such dedication? Of course, just knowing they helped you through a difficult time is probably thanks enough, but if you'd like to give them something a little more memorable, here are a few ideas. A day at a spa. They pampered you, now you return the favor. A beautifully framed picture of them with the baby. They'll remember the miracle of the baby's birth every time they look at it. A birth-themed sculpture, such as Birthing Goddess from the Birth Art Marketplace. They have amazing gifts for any birth partner. Time with you. Get a sitter, if possible, and take your birth coach out for a nice lunch or dinner and some quiet conversation. Going for afternoon tea is also a nice idea. If you can't get a sitter, consider a nice picnic at the park with food from a local restaurant. A gift certificate for your birthing coach's favorite store. This is an easy one, but pair it with something nice only you know your birthing partner likes.

Want to see more?

• Young, Pregnant and Entering Single Motherhood
• Choosing Single Motherhood
• Alone: Facing an Unexpected Pregnancy Without a Partner
• Talk about it!

Post As:
Enter your comment below:
Title
Comment Text
CAPTCHA
Please note that any comments submitted become the property of Disney Family / iParenting and can be edited and posted at our discrection.