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Choosing Friends
An Experience in Social Development By Sharon Waldrop
A Preschooler's Definition of a Friend"A preschooler may use the word 'friend' to describe another child at the playground if that child spoke to him and they shared the sandbox together, even if it was just for a few moments," says Mary Lynch, a child and family development specialist in Tampa, Fla. She says preschool children tend to view friendship as a circumstance of the present, not a relationship that may extend to the future. A preschooler, when asked to define the word "friend" may say, "a kid who plays with me." For a preschooler, a friend is a playmate. "While for that child's parents and teachers, a friend is the playmate the child plays with most often," Lynch says.
"When choosing for themselves from a diverse group of playmates, as at preschool, a child will usually initiate play with another of the same age and gender, who is doing something that the child likes to do," Lynch says. Often, the choice of playmate has more to do with the activity than the playmate. Fairly quickly, the child usually finds one or two favorite playmates. "These are the playmates, now friends, he enjoys playing with most frequently."
Lynch says these friendships are highly important to the child's development. He learns a lot about himself by comparing himself with his friends, and he makes frequent comparisons. For a preschooler, if a friend is short, then he must be tall.
"It is important for a child's social learning to have the experience of initiating play, maintaining interactions and developing friendships, independent of any adult's interference," says Lynch, who recommends that parents make the effort to ensure that such friendships endure past the schoolhouse door.