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Adult vs. Child
Where Does Your Preteen Fit?
By Teri Brown
Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D.,, a licensed psychologist in Los Angeles, Calif., says this kind of inconsistent behavior is to be expected. "It is completely normal and actually important that a preteen fluctuate between doing childish and adult-like things," she says. "Being able to go back and forth allows the preteen to make a smoother emotional transition from a kid into an adult."
Though the preteen years can be stressful, they can also be rewarding. With patient, empathic, nonjudgmental and communicative parents, this developmental phase can be exciting for everyone. According to Thomas, it is important for parents to allow the preteen to grow at a pace that feels the safest and most comfortable to him or her. This positively builds upon one's self-confidence, self-identity and interactions with others.
"I feel this phase is quite similar to toddlers who at around 2 and 3 years old feel their own emotional tug between 'I'm walking now, so I want to freely explore my world' and 'Uh oh! I've walked too far away, and I'm scared!" Thomas says. "There is adelicate volleying back and forth for the toddler between dependence and autonomy. Similarly, preteens shift back and forth, often without even being aware or conscious of what they are doing or why because they are feeling excited and curious about being the adult, while simultaneously feeling scared and uncomfortable with the newness and unpredictability of it."