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Battling Bullies
Putting an End to Schoolyard Conflicts By Shel Franco
O'Callaghan warns that uncovering the victim is not always easy. He points out the child may be embarrassed, threatened or may simply believe that her claims will fall on deaf ears.
As a result, parents should be willing to listen and, as O'Callaghan says, "investigate" any hint of bullying.
Shellie Hurle of Beaverton, Ore., knows how valuable this advice is.
"My son grew more withdrawn when I asked him about his day," she says. "I pried and prodded him into telling me. I eventually learned to just let him know I was available, and he was much more likely to open up."
"There are many solutions to this problem which can actually strengthen and empower children without contributing to further abuse," says Kate Cohen-Posey, author of How to Handle Bullies, Teasers, and Other Meanies(Rainbow Books, 1995). "It is an opportunity for parents to help children think out the many choices they have."
For many parents, the first response is to reprimand the bully. Others confront the offender's parents. Still others head straight for the principal's office. All of these are correct approaches, just not necessarily in that order.
The first step seems obvious.
"You talk to your child to see what he or she wants to do about the bullying situation," O'Callaghan says. "Your child may have already handled it or, in response to what I call 'parenting by questions,' he or she may come up with his [or her] own ideas."
When a child does ask to handle the situation on his or her own, O'Callaghan says it is important to give that space. He suggests telling the child, "I'll give you time to figure this out if you choose, but if it happens again, I'm going to get involved."