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Parenting Preteenagers
Handling the Common Crises
By Julia Rosien
Once you've dealt with the traumatic life-altering event that has her feeling so discouraged, move on. "Find something positive about her day and one person who does like her," Dejonge says. Encourage her to find the solution herself and help her realize the day couldn't have been all bad. "Maybe she cleaned the chalkboard for her teacher or helped a younger student during recess," Dejonge says. Dwell on the positive feelings and help her build her self-esteem.
Sometimes it isn't easy to find something your child can do really well. Not everyone likes sports, and forcing a child into a situation she's not comfortable with compounds feelings of inadequacy. "Search the community and find out what's available," Dejonge says. Math, computer or art classes may be what she needs to feel better about herself. Focus on something your child enjoys, and build on that foundation.
Use chores at home to build feelings of importance within the family. Elizabeth McGie of Chico, Calif., uses routine chores to teach her children that they are an important part of the family. "Anything that emphasizes development and competency in children is a good thing," McGie says. Dejonge agrees. "This is central to creating a support system for any child," she says. "If she knows she is a valued and needed member of an extended family, she will rely on that family in times of crisis."