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Taking Responsibility
You Can Help Your Preteen By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
Alan Cummings, Ph.D., director and owner of an early childhood development center in Louisville, Ky., recommends parents offer children choices as a tool to teach responsibility. "Suggesting that 'there may be a better choice ' or asking 'please make another decision' reinforces the responsible behavior we're trying to instill," he says. When a child at Cummings' facility doesn't want to accept the responsibility or consequences for their behavior, he and his staff redirect the child's attention to the philosophy and principles of the center. "Let's see if we can figure out what would have been a better choice" is asked of a child who takes a toy away from another or fails to help clean up.
"A child teetering on the verge of 'choosing' unwisely is gently reminded, 'Should we think about the decision to do that?'" says Bonnie Cummings, Alan's wife and business partner. A former elementary school teacher, Bonnie has seen the difference that teaching children to choose responsibly makes. "When the kids feel they have some control and a say in their choices, they are more inclined to make a responsible decision," she says.
Both Schmidt and the Cummingses agree that while no child is past the point of learning to be responsible, starting as early as possible is beneficial for everyone. Although options that reinforce responsibility early are preferred by experts and parents alike, establishing personal responsibility in children of all ages can be accomplished by setting examples and reinforcing your expectations.