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The Girly Guide

Surviving Your Female Tween

By Kendeyl Johansen

Watching parents model healthy behavior toward others creates the foundation for healthy relationships in a preteen's future. And, of course, discussing peer pressure issues with your preteen will help your child avoid and work through them.

Kathy Anderson of Taos, N.M., and her 10-year-old daughter, Rachel, have frequent conversations about peer pressure. Recently a group of Rachel's friends became "boy-crazy," spending recesses chasing boys and talking about them. Rachel isn't interested in romance yet, and when she didn't join in with the girls, they snubbed her. "Rachel felt hurt, but we talked about friendship and what she wants in a friend," Anderson says. "The next day Rachel decided to build friendships with kids in her class that share her interests in soccer and dance."

Anderson and her daughter love to laugh at jokes and shop together, and Rachel has a naturally sunny disposition. But like many female tweens, Rachel is sometimes moody and emotional. "When Rachel is pouting or moody it works best for me to just ignore the behavior," Anderson says. "Eventually, when she wants positive attention she cheers up."

Sutton also faces moody behavior from MaKenzie. "I tell her she can be as grumpy and pouty as she wants as long as it's in her room," Sutton says. MaKenzie is social and doesn't like to be alone for long, so her bedroom stays are short.

Don't underestimate what little kindnesses mean to your tween. "Special days and outings are important to my daughter and me, but I try to show her love every day with little things, like helping French-braid her hair or giving her my full attention while she tells me about her day at school," Sutton says.

Last week MaKenzie had a rough day with a clique at school excluding her. "I made her favorite dinner: spaghetti and meatballs, cheesy garlic bread and brownies," Sutton says. "She gave me a big smile and said, 'Thanks, Mom. I needed that!' Life with a preteen is up and down, but after that dinner I felt appreciated and MaKenzie felt loved. Moments like these make life great."