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"Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant."
Standing by Your Teen – No Matter What
By Megan Potter
When the words "I'm pregnant" come out of a teen's mouth, parents are often at a loss for what to do. They react emotionally, not logically, and the resulting confrontations often leave the teens alone without the support of their parents and other family members.
The most important thing is to stay calm. Tracy Underwood, a licensed psychologist at Children's Medical Center of Dallas, advises that parents recognize the teen is likely to be frightened and confused and looking to Mom and Dad for guidance.
As one teen told the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, "I would like it if [parents] came out and said what they meant ... The unhelpful thing is when they start to lecture." If all else fails, ask your son or daughter to leave you with time for yourself before you react to the shock.
When you talk to your teen, be honest about your feelings. There is no point in chastising them or lecturing them; the damage is already done. But that doesn't mean you can't tell your child how disappointed you are in their behavior. Being supportive does not mean you have to be – or pretend to be – happy about the situation. Being supportive simply means that you help them through it.
Some things you should be sure to discuss with your son or daughter include the choices (abortion, adoption, parenting), finances, responsibility and your role in the situation. Tell your teen what you think of each of the options available to them, why you feel that way about each one and which option you would prefer they choose. At the same time, offer to go with them to look into each of the options so they can make informed decisions.
Talk to them about the financial issues, and be frank. Will your insurance cover the medical care? Who will be responsible for covering any extra expenses that might arise? What role will the other teen be taking in the finances? Whether they choose to parent or not, you should be aware that there are costs involved in all decisions, mainly medical and counseling.