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Your One-kid Demolition Derby
Why Toddlers Can be Destructive and Why It's Normal By Alexandria Powell
(Adams Media Corporation, 2002), and it's not at all unusual or abnormal.
As with exploratory behaviors, it's important to redirect and show your child safe ways to deal with their feelings without shaming them. "The issue is that parents need to teach [toddlers] how to handle themselves when they are angry," says Dr. Sonna. While temperament is a factor, how parents handle their anger is very important. "Children do learn by modeling, and if parents yell and scream when they are mad, toddlers – who don't necessarily have the verbal skills to do yelling and screaming – may start tearing things up or becoming destructive when they are angry."
Dr. Sonna recommends parents try to help their toddlers express their feelings with words. While your child may not yet be able to talk, you can "take her by the hands and give her the words. For example, say, 'Are you mad because your brother has your toy? Can you say you're mad?' Well, of course, she can't, but then if [you] say, 'Suzy's mad. She wants her toy back,' you can actually give her the words to say," says Dr. Sonna.
Dr. Sonna also recommends actively teaching your toddler about feelings. "A lot of times kids become destructive and seem angry, but really they are tired, teething or their diaper needs changing," says Dr. Sonna. "There's a tendency for little kids to respond with anger when they are really just uncomfortable and they don't know what's wrong." As you tend to your toddler's needs, start teaching him how to verbalize what the feelings are by talking about them, such as saying, "I think you're cranky because you're tired."